Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Cool With A "K" PART 28.5 - CHAPTER 3

Kathy sat in the middle of the wooden living room floor, tossing a tennis ball at the wall and catching it again. Her thoughts were attacking her, smothering her. 
In the silence, there is nowhere for me to go. Kathy thought, It's just me... And my mind. I never really realized this before...
Kathy looked around the room wearily, sighing. The silence is a lot louder than noise. If a room is full of all your classmates, and they're all chatting and laughing and being loud, it's not nearly as scary as sitting alone in this empty house, waiting to be devoured by your worries. I need to do something to get out of my head.
Kathy got up and went into the kitchen, looking for something to eat. Then, her eyes fell on a shiny silver kitchen knife resting on the cutting board.
Not knowing whether it was out of curiosity or feeling of failure, Kathy picked up the knife and stared at it.
How much would it hurt... Kathy thought, setting the knife's blade on her forearm. She held the knife there for what felt like hours, just standing there, frozen.
I can't do it. Kathy thought, Just like I can't do anything else. I'm such a coward.
Then, without any more thought, Kathy pulled the blade back as fast as she could across her arm. She cried out in pain and swore, dropping the knife. It clattered to the floor.
Kathy winced and held her wounded arm with the other. Blood slowly seeped from the long, shallow cut.
There, now I'm not a coward, Kathy thought, But I did do something really stupid.
Kathy bit her lip and scowled; the blood wouldn't stop. It didn't hurt very badly, but she had done it to herself.
"That still doesn't make up for all the trouble I caused." Kathy said. She was surprised to hear her own voice for the first time in days. She hadn't talk to anyone, even her brother, Lunkwill.
So, I managed to cut a gash in my arm and still be a failure. Kathy thought, sighing, I'm more of a loser than I thought I was.
She picked up a red apple and stared at it tiredly.
Eating to distract yourself is never a good solution, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Kathy thought, biting into the apple. It was soft and bruised and just juicy enough to be unappetizing. It's not like I need to fit my cheerleading uniform anyway. I can get as fat as I want... It's not like I'm pretty enough to be a cheerleader anyway, either.
Kathy felt her head and wanted to cry. No, I've been crying too much. I'm such a baby. I need to get a hold of myself. Don't cut yourself, don't cry, be strong.
"Keep in mind, Kathy." Kathy said aloud, looking at the place where she had bitten the apple,

"When no one else will acknowledge your existence, you have to learn to take care of yourself."

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